the bs of cbs: an unauthorized autobiography
(coming soon indefinitely at a bookstore not near you)

hi, my name is cbs. i know it doesn't matter to you, but what the heck, what does? unless of course you continue to read from this point on, which means i, under that name, matter to you. i don't blame you. you may have accrued your bads in the past and adding up this one will swiftly and surely strengthen your chances at failure. bad luck to you, then.

there is a method to my cbs, my cbs being my madness. i live clandestinely. i always look at my back for fear of pursuers, most of them being the dandruffs falling off my hair incessantly. but i have learned to shrug them off, sometimes violently, sometimes quietly, sometimes happily when they fall like flurries and i am tempted to open my mouth and do a snow angel.

walk fast, think furious; that is my gist, delirious! there is poetry in my nerves.

i am 5'9" when barefoot, 170 lbs when naked. with full apparel i might weigh 172 lbs, attributing the additional .1 to my tee, .2 to my eyeglasses, .3 to my wallet, .4 to my cellphone, and a pound to my jeans. there. a pound of jeans is better than an ounce of prevention - preventing to go naked and attract more pursuers. (for how do you live a clandestine life when all you do is attract?)

one time i have a gummy worm in my hand and i asked a co-worker, do you like worm? she said, no thanks, i'm married.

i don't wear jewelries. and the only thing i dig about women who flamboyantly wear their blinding jewelries is their graves. i am disgusted with anything foreign attached to my skin but for my clothes and glasses. of course my disgust list does not include people, foreign bodies included, to whom in an ideal world i hope i will never be detached. figuratively (meaning, go figure, or, hell, especially to those with great figures, a-he-he).

bs is a majority of cbs; the connection smells the same sweet pus-y scent as cynthia ozick's description of the coordinates between my idols kafka and babel: "where their fevers intersect lies the point of infection".

c may then stand for care. care for some bs?

i read. i also write, like, right now, duh. i know you read, too. i know you read bull, like right now, duh. so, why don't we do our own duh treat, okay?

so, go, comment and waste you precious moments.