III. A P O L O G I A

1. Loneliness is persuading, pervading. If you perceived the essence of sadness in certain entries, they were meant to make me happy, not to make you sad. Such sucker, I am loneliness' most consenting beneficiary;

2. In its method of debauched ramblings like the standard personal essay, this blog, like most blogs, will not resist the magnetic pull of the strong "I" perspective. It is difficult to speak of others; in here, the strength of the "I" is simply a matter of form, a rhetoric. If in the course of my ramblings I may feel carried away by undefinable conceit, I will know how to preempt: like E.B. White I will wrap myself in the mantle of Montaigne, or as I always do my entire life, I will shut up in quietude until my silence hurts and language is found guilty beyond reasonable doubt;

3. I am honest, honest enough to admit that I lie. If at anytime between now and then you consider my fact brazenly fictitious, either take it with a grain of salt or refuse it with a pound of sugar. You may ask for my source and I may give you my most reliable: my good 'ole imagination;

4. I am a writer not only because I write but because I say so. With a generous amount of worry and wariness in what I write and how I do it, I, despite myself, am prone to mistakes - grammatical or logical. Of grammar, I will let my pen's pride go unscathed and undream of my composition's spick and span. I don't care. I listen to Fernando Pessoa's words "Let grammar rule the man who doesn't know how to think what he feels" and I am absolved. But of logic, let us have this meeting of the minds: wake me up when it constricts; sing me a lullaby when it spins off;

5. Time is my favorite subject. Wherefore if it is something you abhor, fulfill the irony and acknowledge the pun: do not waste your time. If, on the other hand, you posses St. Thomas' Aquinas' philosophy or Isaac Newton's math (or simply introspect at time well beyond its fourth dimension), then time is of the essence: be my friend;

6. Despite the books I will recommend and authors I will consider as masters, I will set the record straight and strong: I believe in God;

7. But despite this day and age, what I don't believe in is copyright. If there is anything in this entry you wanted (but why?) that purely came from me, be my guest. You don't need my permission. Copyright negates freedom which this blog promotes liberally. Besides, judas ask for permissions anyway?

8. Last and certainly the least, my name is cbs, lowercase, lower class, an old man, yes ma'am, a grownup, no ma'am. And as I say thank you for coming, enjoy if you must, I will declare, too: let the bloggings begin.


Let me not advertise myself
In various things I do -
but let my deeds fit your desire,
that your will may come through.
O for your true peace is my longing,
and your dear image's belonging.
Within my heart of lotus petal
may your shield be found.
Yield up my arrogance to tears.
Let all my pride be drowned.

- Rabindranath Tagore
Gitanjali